Your kids might be concerned about Santa’s annual trip around the world this year—and rightfully so. We’ve just spent months explaining why they can’t go to school, gymnastics class, summer camp, their friend’s house, grandma’s house, or anywhere else, really. You’ve told them why you won’t be traveling to visit family for Thanksgiving or Christmas, how we all have to hunker down to keep each other safe from the coronavirus. But then… surely Santa will not be leaving the crowded North Pole to fly around the world, potentially infecting everyone, will he?
Yes, Santa is still coming, and it’s fine. And here’s why.
Santa is immune to COVID-19
Let’s start with the fact that Santa is immune from the virus, as reported by USA Today:
At least, that’s the word from Dr. Anthony Fauci, the nation’s leading infectious disease expert.
“Santa is exempt from this because Santa, of all the good qualities, has a lot of good innate immunity,” Fauci told USA TODAY this week.
Look, if the nation’s leading infection disease expert says it, I tend to believe it because science. However, if you think your kids would, for some reason, shun the science involved here, you can also tell concerned children that Santa’s magic protects him from the virus. His magic does a whole lot of pretty incredible things; it would stand to reason that is also does that.
Even though he is magically immune, Santa still thinks it important to set a good example this year and not encourage others to potentially infect each other with the virus. That’s why all those in-person visits at the local mall are being canceled and why the virtual visits will be ramping up this year.
The North Pole has a mask mandate
Look, I don’t want to get into a debate over whether there should be a national mask mandate (there should be), all I’m saying is that the North Pole does have one and it seems to be working:
Dr. Greg Poland, director of the Mayo Clinic’s Vaccine Research Group, declared he had just gotten off the phone with the North Pole when he spoke Thursday with USA TODAY. There had been two infections among the elves, but “none of them serious,” he said.
“It was a good reminder to the elves about wearing the mask properly. They now do that. It’s mandatory in the North Pole,” Poland said.
Luckily, it seems that Mrs. Claus, who implemented a regular testing program, realizes that the testing isn’t what causes cases to spike—the testing is the thing that helps us prevent further spread, you see.
And other safety measure are in place
There are a lot of elves at the North Pole, but thankfully, Santa’s workshop is expansive, which has made proper social distancing feasible. Cleaning crews are also regularly disinfecting toy-building tools and machinery, and hand-sanitizer dispensers can be spotted near every work station.
The trickiest part has been keeping the workshop well-ventilated, considering the frigid temperatures. However, given the Arctic amplification caused by climate change (that is, the way in which the Arctic has warmed at roughly twice the global rate over the past 30 years), it’s not as cold as it once was.
Plus, these elves and other beings have lived at the North Pole all their lives; they’re used to a little crisp air.
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