Freezing temps led to my kids’ school being closed most of last week, and none of us were prepared for them to have so much unexpected time at home. I had my normal workload to keep up with, but they had nothing structured on the slate. We did our best—I met my deadlines, and they ended a few days with their eyes bloodshot from countless hours of building in Minecraft.
Still, with a little planning, I was sure we could have made this extra free time constructive in a different way. Child psychologist Dr. Emily W. King recently wrote about the value of helping kids make the most of free time in her newsletter Learn with Dr. Emily. “Free time allows children to feel what it’s like to be bored, which gives them a chance to work out their differences with siblings and lets them solve their own problems. Free time encourages independence, increases social skills, and builds resilience,” King wrote.
Helping them will also help you—when kids are better used to dealing with boredom and amusing themselves, it can free you up to get more done yourself, and ensure that the time you spend with them is more rewarding and less frustrating. Here are some of her tips for helping kids manage their free time.
Don’t call it “free time”
“Free time” sounds like a luxury to you, but to kids, it’s too wide open, especially when it’s not really “free” (since they’d probably choose an activity like watching YouTube for sex hours straight). Instead, using the phrase “free choice” might work better for your child.
Help your kids come up with a menu of enjoyable activities they can do independently, anytime they are at home. For my kids, this menu might look like:
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Have a Lego building challenge (keep a list of prompts handy)
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Draw and paint (start with a Google search for inspiration, but don’t get too caught up in using the device)
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Create an obstacle course
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Pretend they are camp counselor at stuffed animal camp
You and your child will know what activities they can get the most independent mileage out of. Having a prepared menu will save you both from boredom panic that can lead you to lean too heavily on screens to keep them busy.
Have a routine for days off
If going completely unstructured doesn’t suit your child, a loose written schedule can provide enough structure to keep them moving through a day off from school.
King suggests something like this, posted where everyone can see it:
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Morning List (e.g., get dressed, brush teeth, feed the cat)
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Breakfast
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Morning Activity
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Snack
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Free-Choice time (provide a menu with 3-5 options)
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Lunch
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Afternoon Activity
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Snack
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Free-Choice time
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Dinner
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Night time List (e.g., bath/shower, brush teeth, stories)
The morning and afternoon activities should be something you plan, like running an errand, doing a few chores, going to the library, going for a walk, or prepping something to eat.
Help them get started
You may not be able to tell your child, “It’s free choice time, see ya later!” You’ll need to do what you can to help them get started if you want them to be successful.
“Some children will need for you to get them started on an activity, be reassured when something is a small problem they can solve on their own, or be reminded when it’s okay to come get you for help,” King wrote. “Remember, you are teaching them how to be independent, so encourage and praise their successes.”
Consider differing developmental readiness
It’s magical when siblings can entertain each other for hours without discord or intervention—but keep in mind that one child may be ready for independence, while another may not be.
“While exposure to free time is very beneficial for children who are ready to be independent, already have a solid understanding of their social world, and who are able to trust that they are not in danger when something unexpected happens, free time can be difficult for children with weaknesses in executive functioning, emotional regulation, and social skills,” King wrote.
If your child has trouble with free time, you could be dealing with a larger underlying problem:
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They are too anxious to play alone.
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They become distracted too easily to stick with an activity for long enough.
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They claim boredom, but may really be facing indecision.
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They need you to constantly feed them ideas and be interactive during all activities.
“Children with executive functioning weaknesses often struggle to plan their play, begin their play, and sustain their attention long enough to stick with their play,” King wrote. “This might look like a child who complains of being bored when you see lots of things for them to do or the child who loses interest quickly. Some children struggle to come up with ideas for play and this sometimes has to do with an executive functioning weakness in visualizing their play plan and getting started.”
While in these moments you may feel pressured to put down whatever you’re doing and play with them, children who become too reliant on parents won’t have the chance to strengthen skills like resilience and independent problem-solving, she added.
If your child struggles with free time, try to keep a routine even when there is not a lot going on. This plan could come in handy on snow days, unplanned weekends, or during long breaks like spring break, summer, and winter break.
